Harry and I were holding hands at the front steps...

Wait a minute. Typing that was a bit surreal. I'm holding hands. With HARRY. After swearing not to fall in love too fast again, here I am again very much infatuated with this guy named Harry. And on another level of surreal, he has a huge crush on me as well. That's not a guess. He told me himself.

So it's been a bit of a whirlwind, but I thought, what the heck. He's a blast to be with and we just connected. Jason was all "Go for it!," him of the many love connections. Ashley was more cautious, she who has just broken up with her girlfriend. "A whirlwind romance is like a coffee crash. You get that huge high but the crash will hurt your head so bad." Party pooper. Like I don't know that anyway.

It's only been a couple of weeks but things have been promising. Wait, I don't like that word. PROMISING. It's like you're counting too much on the future. That's where the heartbreak comes in. I just want to live in how good our connection is right now, today. Like when we were at the park -- Harry quietly reading through screenplays, me reading a back issue of Psychology Today with my head on his lap. It was quiet and I enjoyed the moment AS IT WAS not because it's like a sign of things to come. A lot of relationships get messed up that way. Been there, done that.

So yeah, Harry and I were holding hands at the front steps this evening when Jason called to say dinner was postponed because his guy date got chicken pox. Who gets chicken pox at twenty-seven? So Jason's gonna go on nurse-mode and I wouldn't be surprised if dons the uniform too. Then Ashley texted saying the ex-girlfriend wanted to meet her for dinner and nothing we could do or say will stop her. That left Harry and myself. Sitting at the front steps.

"What do you want to do?," he asked me.
"We've got reservations for five. What if we just go anyway?," I said. I abhored cancelling reservations. Harry knew that apparently.
"I'll take care of it. What if we just walk around and see what we feel like doing?"

And we walked around, hand in hand, pointing at restaurants, coffee shops... Pizza at my apartment was what we ended up with.

"Maybe I should have taken you to a fancy restaurant. To woo you," Harry said later when we were washing the plates together.
"You can't woo me with champagne and gold napkins," I answered.
"We'll see," he laughed.

He left a couple of hours ago, but "we'll see" lingered in my head. I hate "We'll see." It's like maybe it happen, maybe it won't. Is he surprising me with champagne and gold napkins? Does he want to prove me wrong? And here I am overthinking again. See what I mean about enjoying something in the now? "We'll see" just messes with my head.

Then I go back to the warmth of his hand in mine when we were seated at the steps. When we were walking. When we were eating pizza and watching TV together. It happened hours ago, but the warmth lingers. I enjoyed it while the warmth was there, but the memory of the warmth is still with me. I don't need champagne and gold napkins to be wooed, I should have told him. All I need is your warmth. I should have said that. Cheesy but true.

I can't wait to hold hands again. Yeah, that's like going against what I said about enjoying the now without thinking of what's to come, but that's enough for me. To hold hands again. Champagne and gold napkins are just a bonus.